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Joke of the Day
"A person automatically becomes ten times more attractive when you find out they like you!!!"
Next Joke
"[NSFW] Why do hipsters like anal sex? Because it's indie ass!"
"Parents: It's unfair to put your toddler on a leash if you're not going to also let them pee next to parked cars."
"*beats arachnophobia* *trips over child dressed as Spider-Man* *fears spiders again*"
"A horse walks into a French bar... ...and the barman says, ""I'm afraid you will have to leave, Monsieur Horse. We do not serve food in here."""
"""If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?"" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs."
"ME: This car's perfect except for one thing WIFE: Yes, there's no room for the childre- ME: [finds cup holder] lol I was wrong, it's perfect"
"If you ever get cold Just stand in a corner for a bit, they're usually around 90 degrees."
"There's Angie, and then there's Drunk Angie, and one of us tried to make it to Mexico on an exercise bike."
"The square was killed 10 minutes ago... The killer must be a-round"