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Joke of the Day

"People say I have a dry sense of humor. So when you hate everyone the word to describe that is dry now I guess."

"""Pay attention, 007; this might look like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."""

"On your deathbed tell everyone ""pray for me"" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says ""pray harder next time"""

"Eggs and Toast walk into a bar And the bartender says, ""We don't serve breakfast here."""

"I'm not saying I hate you... but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone."

"How to live forever? Hire a project manager to plan your death."

"Don't give karma whores a butter joke... ...they might spread it"

"""Don't Ask, Don't Tell"" is history, but can we at least keep the ""Don't Tell"" part around for people who love to talk about being vegan?"

"What did the confused Mackem say when he discovered that he was smack bang in the middle of Newcastle? I'm in the middle of *no Wear*"

"Saying no thanks to a CW's offer to hit me with their car so I could take the day off proves decisions shouldn't be made before coffee"