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Joke of the Day

"If I had $1 for every time somebody called me a racist... black people would rob me."

"You're 15 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 2 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating dirt."

"Every Adele song is about lasagna."

"In Starbucks a woman went sh*t house rat crazy when she got a double shot of espresso instead of the triple shot she ordered. I'm fine now."

"Where does a toxicologist go to get the best possible education? A Poison Ivy League College."

"Have you heard of the John Denver omelet? It's just like a regular Denver omelet, but it's served upside down in seawater."

"What gets wetter as it dries your mom"

"According to science... Apaprnlety hmoosxeulas aer brililnat at unscarbmnlig snetnecse."

"Everyone's gynecologist uses the term battle damage,' right?"

"grandpa: ur father changed after the war me: somtimes emojis i never use appear in my frequently used page and i dont kno how they got there"