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Joke of the Day
"Being a Twitter elite is like being the most popular patient in the asylum."
Next Joke
"Q: Why does Michael J. Fox make such good milkshakes? A: Because he uses quality ingredients. What did you think, asshole?"
"What do you call a doctor that graduated at the bottom of their class? Doctor."
"*wakes up early* *goes for morning jog* *calls wife to pick him up because he's made a terrible mistake*"
"What do you call a slutty fisherman/woman? A hooker."
"What do you call a communist dog? Karl Barx"
"What's the difference between a psychologist and a groundskeeper? One you need for a rough patch, the other you need to patch your rough."
"We could save a lot of hassle if we just made macaroni out of cheese in the first place."
"Where do Muslims go after they die? Everywhere."
"if someone asks me if I need help finding something in a department store I like to slowly describe a gun"