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Joke of the Day

"*wakes up early* *goes for morning jog* *calls wife to pick him up because he's made a terrible mistake*"

"The bartender said we don't serve time travellers... Two time travellers walk into a bar"

"How do you know you are at a picnic with gay men? All the hot dogs taste like shit"

"How did Charlie Sheen get HIV? By injecting tiger blood"

"Which states is Bernie most popular in? Denmark, Sweden and Norway."

"Better names for porcupines: Needle Beaver Battlepig Hurty Squirrel Flail Monster Cactus Rat Capy-scare-uh Death otter Revenge Possum"

"I applied for a Cashier job at Wal-Mart the other day.. But they said that those 4 positions were already filled."

"MOM: What did you learn at summer camp? KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator? For what? KID: To charge our iPods"

"What kind of baseball do burgers play? Ketchup baseball!"

"There's just 1 thing u can count on: fingers. And calculators. 2 things. Oh abacuses. Three. Jeez Im gonna need to make a list. Lists. Four."