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Joke of the Day

"If it comes down to Joe Biden vs Donald Trump we should just accept our fates & let a chili dog eating contest determine who's president."

"I had a crazy dream last night that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. When I woke up I was, like, 0mg!"

"Who has the biggest duck in Compton? A tripod"

"I remember as a child, lying awake at night on Christmas Eve waiting for Santa to come... ...then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left."

"Lebron James quits basketball to become an actor And he's taking his talents to Hollywood"

"Q: What do you get when you cross a Wurlitzer and a photocopier? A: A reproductive organ."

"How much hummus did the anorexic Arab eat? A tahini bit!"

"I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson"

"If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?"

"Money talks But all mine ever says is good-bye."