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Joke of the Day

"I dated a midget once, we were in love.. I was nuts over her."

"Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time."

"Engineers: ""okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"""

"My 5 year old hasn't said a word in the car after I convinced him that the volume control on our stereo ejects his car seat."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He sipped his drink before it was cool"

"I met up with my ex-fiance today and immediately began having sex The police did not take it well as I was only asked to identify the body."

"Going to work My boss told me yesterday, ""Don't dress for the job you have, dress for the job you want"". But when I turned up at the office today in Ghostbusters gear, the bastard said I was fired."

"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30AM Can you believe the nerve of some people? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums."

"What's the difference between novocaine and an index finger? One's a digit divisible by two, the other is a prime number."

"Autocorrect changed ""meeting"" to ""mating"" and now my boss and I aren't meeting with Bob after work."