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Joke of the Day

"I'm testing my theory that I can get away with putting a 0 or N/A in a work report that requires answers when I don't know the answers."

"[house being raided] [swat guy crashes through window, lands on slip n slide I placed there for this exact reason and slides out front door]"

"What's the difference between talking to your wife after you forgot something and a minefield? You can actually get through the minefield alive."

"I Went To The Zoo Yesterday The only animal they had was a dog. It was a Shih-Tzu."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? Three. Two to complain about it and one to light an organic scented candle."

"Pilot: Tower there's a runway light burning. Tower: I'm sure there must be dozens of lights burning. Pilot: Sorry I mean it's smoking."

"PRO TIP: Stall your execution by asking if the lethal injection chemicals are gluten-free."

"My 2 year old loves Hello Kitty. My 6 month old, on the other hand, is really into Hello Titty."

"Dude you're a dentist. Why am I in stirrups?"

"What's similar between an elephant and a plum? They're both grey except for the plum."