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Joke of the Day

"Scientists hard at work to find out what the other 98% of 2% milk is: ""Probably not bees,"" says one scientist. ""Dear god what if it's bees?"""

"NSFW Why are vaginas and assholes so close together? So that you can carry a woman like a 6-pack of beer."

"I was reading in the paper... And I saw this article about this dwarf that got pick pocketed. I thought to myself, ""How could anyone stoop so low?"""

"What happens when almonds die? Diamond"

"I haven't seen the democrats this mad at republicans... ... Since they freed the slaves"

"I'm going to make a movie about a guy in a turban who turns into a monster at night... ...it'll be called ""Hyde & Sikh""."

"I count it as a random act of kindness when you see me in public and pretend you didn't."

"How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw bananas at her."

"Dear Neighbours, ""She's coming"" isn't a great warning to give when I walk by and you stop talking."

"Need a joke to tell my Public Speaking class this Monday.. Can be as crude as you want, but no racist or sexist jokes."