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Joke of the Day
"The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters So Trump can't tweet it"
Next Joke
"What do religions and gender have in common? You hear about a new one every day and none of them make any sense."
"I joined a Cold War reenactment group. We just sit around and act nervous about the USSR."
"Sex is a misdemeanor.. De more I miss, de meanor I get."
"I feel bad for kids who see toys on the television but can't order it cause their parents have to be over 18 to call.."
"[At dinner with wife's friends] Me: may I chime in Wife: I swear to God if you brought your chimes- *my bag dings a little as I unzip it*"
"What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire? All-quid."
"Dear guy sitting next to me at the bar wearing camouflage: I can still see you."
"I've just discovered that I'm allergic to cats. Either that or I undercooked it."
"People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS"