93735

Joke of the Day

"People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS"

"let's head over to the barber shop and make hair angels on the floor"

"""How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?"" - Not in a kids movie, dude. ""Ok, but it's puppy skin?"" - Oh, then YES!"

"How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake! Edit: Holy shit I didn't even realize it was my cake day. Woah"

"Best time to go to the dentist? tooth hurty"

"Cereal box mascots give kids a dangerously positive view of animals who in the wild would literally kill them before they gave them cereal."

"If you're first on a YouTube comment thread, I assume you're last in pretty much everything else."

"An egg with 28 followers says I'm not funny. So if you need me, I'll just be in the kitchen making an omelette."

"What happens when you give Donald Trump Viagra? He gets taller."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You're a fucking rapist."