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Joke of the Day

"Dear guy sitting next to me at the bar wearing camouflage: I can still see you."

"My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume."

"Why do tornadoes move so erratically? -They are dizzy"

"You remind me of my pinky toe. You're small, cute, and I'm probably going to bang you on the coffee table later tonight"

"The only thing my girl friend blows Is everything out of proportion"

"I've just got back from a funeral of a friend who was killed after being hit in the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service."

"Why did the human cross the road? Because his dick was stuck in the chicken."

"Me: I have a huge crush on this girl. Him: What's her name? Me: I'm not telling you. Him: What does it start with at least? Me: @"

"For Halloween, my neighbor put up a Wolverine themed scarecrow. And it's terrifying my daughter. I guess she is claw-straw-phobic..."

"I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while at the store. Fun game"