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Joke of the Day

"Why'd the farmer win the lifetime achievement award? Because he was always out standing in his field."

"Q: What did the momma corn say to baby corn? A: where is popcorn"

"Dogs that don't bark are the most dangerous of all They're woofless"

"I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on."

"NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE Waiter: ahem *points to sign* Me: oh that's fine, I'm not ordering anything"

"Sorry I pissed on the walls of your bathroom, but the flowery wall paper made me think I was outside.. Also you're out of Valium"

"Don't drink while driving you will spill the beer."

"Teacher: Class we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!"

"Skrillex used to play string instruments in the orchestra, until he dropped the bass."

"Did you hear about the hooker who had an appendectomy? Now she makes money on the side."