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Joke of the Day

"How many performance artists does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know either, I walked out early too."

"It's impossible for TWO dudes to ride ONE motorcycle without it looking romantic..."

"I told you I'm busy! Who are you going to believe, me or the last 20 tweets I posted?"

"What did the fish scream when its tank cracked? ""Dam-it!"""

"Do you know why the baby Jesus wasn't born in Iowa? They couldn't find three wise men!!!"

"the idiots at NASA just hit Jupiter with one of their fireworks"

"[1st date] *stuffing face* sorry i eat a lot when im nervous 'u know ur eating a candle right?' yah *points to napkin* u gonna finish that"

"I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says ""May contain almonds."" What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?"

"If you have bladder problems... Urine trouble"

"When the police officer asks how much have I had to drink tonight- 'all of it' wasn't as funny to him as it was to me."