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Joke of the Day

"I wonder why the ingredients on a snickers wrapper says ""May contain almonds."" What, is the guy who drops in the almonds a slacker?"

"Biggest fears: 4. Dancing in public 3. Spiders 2. Forgetting names 1. Dancing in public with spiders who's names I forget"

"me: wanna see my cat's shed? friend: lots of cats shed. why would-- [my cat enters wearing a tool belt] cat: show him the gazebo, too"

"You do not count as a person if it's 75 degrees & you're wearing a wool beanie."

"Eating With The Shakes If a person with Parkinson's is eating a brownie, Is it ""Brownie in motion""?"

"What do you call an Asian who acts like he is black? A ripe bananna"

"Star Wars has given me unrealistic expectations of who my father is."

"Little known fact: Mirrors are the leading cause of death among people who have looks that kill."

"When is my wifes favorite day for sex? Tomorrow"

"A girl went to the village shaman She asked him ""I saw a dog in my dream and he was licking my foot. What does it means?"" The shaman replied ""It means that your other half will come soon"""