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Joke of the Day

"Science at its finest. Why are all subatomic particles gay? Because they are all atoms"

"What is a Thai person's finishing fight move. Bangkok."

"Q: Why did Thoreau build a house? A: Because he wanted to be walled-in."

"Phill: *gets stung by a stingray Me: *pees on his wound Phill: That only works on jellyfish stings Me: Oh shit, I thought you were dead!"

"[courtroom] Me: ""I OBJECT YOUR HONOR"" Judge: on what grounds? ""LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO"" Prosecutor: he's good Judge: *slams gavel* case dismissed."

"Girls are so confusing She said ""don't stop"" and now I'm in jail."

"Please don't ask me if I like your new haircut, because I don't and now you made me lie."

"What did the website say to the Google bot after their breakup? I knew you'd come crawling back to me someday."

"Things you can't touch: 1. Happines 2. The Easter Bunny 3. Your wife's sister 4. This"

"[Calls an ex] Ex: Hello Me: Remember how you lied about everything Ex: Why are you doing this Me: It's Throwback Thursday"