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Joke of the Day
"Girls are so confusing She said ""don't stop"" and now I'm in jail."
Next Joke
"Some of my lowest points are when I try to ""like"" an email"
"Panic rooms are a great way to protect yourself during home invasions or like if you forget your wife's birthday."
"What is heavy forward but not backward? **ton**"
"*sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] ""no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"""
"What kind of phone makes music? A saxophone."
"My dad shouted ""shut up idiots"" to the cats. I told him ""You're speaking English to a cat. You're the idiot. You have to meow at them."""
"I haven't talked to my girlfriend for the last couple days because of my addiction to this new game. I think The Division is really starting to get to her."
"2012 me can't believe 2005 me actually knew 8 people I liked enough to put in a MySpace Top 8."
"What did Mike Tyson say when asked about the time he fought the God of Asgard? ""The loser was 'thore'"""