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Joke of the Day

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you."

"I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50."

"I've never hated a neighbour enough to get wind chimes."

"Attention crazy man on the subway: this is God. Please start telling everyone else in the car what I'm saying to you."

"How many feminists does it take...... ...to change a light bulb? 0, woman are so unrepresented in technology that this is not possible."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know why."

"Following someone around is typically defined as ""stalking"" At my university, it's defined as ""finding a parking space"""

"Did you hear about the joke about the 3 wells? Well Well Well"

"I taught my youngest niece and nephew to say ""Mommy steals credit cards"" when they're in a checkout line."

"At a First Date Conversation At a first date: He: ""I work with animals every day!"" She: ""Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?"" He: ""I'm a butcher."""