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Joke of the Day

"The nominees are Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio Leonardo DiCaprio And the winner is *opens envelope* mad max fury road"

"What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants, and a dirty bus stop? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean."

"If Jay-Z is married to Beyonce and is a multimillionaire and still has 99 problems then there ain't no hope for the rest of us"

"Words (short and lame) Prepositions are words to not end sentences with."

"Upon request of a signature, a nurse reaches into her pocket only to find a thermometer... she exclaims, ""Some asshole's got my pen!"""

"Why don't women need umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen."

"Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos."

"Well, look on the bright side... At least they won't be talking about that gorilla anymore."

"Trump joke last night... What did Hillary say when she bumped into Donald after the election? ""Pardon me"""

"Where do you buy clothes for baby owls? the outlet"