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Joke of the Day

"""You the bomb!"" ""No you the bomb!"" A compliment in America, an argument in the middle east."

"What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet? Egyptian dummies."

"I had coffee with Red Bull this morning... After about 10 minutes on the highway, I realized I left my car at home."

"I like asking girls if I can buy them a drink and when they say yes I yell ""YOU DON'T KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION"" and run away."

"Science flies you to the moon Religion flies you into buildings"

"How did ISIS do on their French exam? They bombed it..."

"You're riding a horse full speed, a man on a giraffe at your side, and a ferocious lion in hot pursuit. What do you do? Get your drunk ass off the carousel."

"I'm pitching a show called ""Walking Dad"" where dads go around biting each other and then the people who get bitten become dads too."

"Can I have some orange juice? You: Can I have some orange juice? Other person: sure go ahead. You: Do you have any orange? Other person: what? You: I have jews but i dont have any orange."

"Floppy disks are like Jesus... .. they died to become the icon of saving."