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Joke of the Day

"""Quit mowing your lawn you heathen and go to church!"" -Me as I put in earplugs and go back to bed on a Sunday morning."

"Girls have their phone nonstop. So if they don't text you back within 30 minutes, she ain't feeling you bro."

"What do you call a rich muslim god? Ballah"

"Organising an event for people who can't ejaculate Let me know if you can't come"

"What's the key to a good joke? .....................................Timing."

"dumbledore: our enchanted ceiling shows us wat the sky outside looks like mcgonagall: so...a magic glass ceiling dumbledore: [starts sweating]"

"Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. *bows*"

"Why are cigarette taxes such a safe bet right now? One way or the other, there's going to be a lot of smoking over the next four years."

"Love is all fun and games until someone loses an eye or gets pregnant."

"What did the pea say to the peanut? At least you got one nut, I don't see what you're crying about."