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Joke of the Day

"Coming soon to NBC: She's a lawyer who, you guessed it, doesn't play by the rules. And he's a doctor who, right again, pees sitting down."

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"Police always seem disappointed when they realise those bits of foil on the floor of my car are just old chocolate wrappers not drugs."
"*Paul Walker shouts down from the gates of heaven* ""YO DID I GET A MILLION LIKES ON FACEBOOK? THEY WON'T LET ME IN WITHOUT A MILLION LIKES"""
"Hi Gilded, I am Kind Stranger EDIT: wow i am gilded, thank you kind stranger"
"I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car."
"Knock Knock Who's there CD CD who? C DEEZ NUTS *ha* ^^*Got* ^^^*em*"
"5yo: *smells glue stick* Me: DON'T BE SMELLING THAT!! 5yo: it smells like strawberries! Me: give me that...*smells glue stick*"
"Have you heard the one about the untouched coal pit? Never mined."
"Why did Eric Clapton make the switch from PC to Apple? Well because he had a horrible experience with windows. (credit to Neil Hamburger for this amazing joke)"
"If a stork brings a white baby and a crow brings a black baby, what brings no baby? A swallow"