158005

Joke of the Day

"What did the geologist say to the Ginger after he evaluated her precious metal? Red, it gold."

"My cousin Denise's baby Alpo was born with no feet and a full adult penis because she drank Four Loko when she was pregnant :("

"I found a 1,700 yard rock the other day.... It was a real milestone."

"I don't believe in telling little girls they're beautiful. Or little boys. Anybody, really. The human body is truly disgusting."

"There are so many scary things in life: -fear -hate -murder -injustice -the woman in line behind me who just said ""boughten"""

"I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens."

"Being an aspiring musician is like getting a contract with Verizon. 10 gigs for $80 a month"

"[gestures to the parents of a crying baby] shhhh, please. my foot's asleep"

"Why did the child have two black eyes? Because telling them once wasn't enough."

"We're hosting a charity event for the people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come, do let me know."