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Joke of the Day

"Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't let a garbanzo bean on my face"

"Why was the Trail of Tears so hard on the Native Americans? It's not easy to hike a trail when you're always falling down drunk."

"Wife: Did you measure for carpet? Me: Yeah, from the window Wife: Don't Me: To the wall Wife: Don't Me: tothesweatdripoffmyballs! *runs*"

"I shake my head at people's stupidity so often that no one will even notice if I get Parkinson's."

"I've only ever been wrong once... And that was one time last year when I thought that I was wrong but I wasn't."

"What kind of pizza did the Dalai Lama order? one with everything"

"DTF (Down time finally) -mom's everywhere"

"Politics are like a dick. They keep on getting rammed down my throat."

"I thought my wife was happy to fully repair my jeans. Or at least sew its seams."

"Project manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. Project manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month."