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Joke of the Day

"They're coming for me They're banging on my doors. I haven't eaten an apple in months. They're forcing their way in in. The doctors are here. Tell mum I love her."

"Islam is a religion of piece. There's a piece of you over there, a piece over there, another over there.."

"If a genie grants you 3 wishes, use the first one to make the genie develop short term memory loss, and then keep making 2nd wishes forever."

"~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want"

"Yo momma's so ugly... When the cops shoot her, the bullets come back and ask for blindfolds."

"What's Forrest Gump's favorite diner? Dennays"

"The inventory of the Crossword has died. He will be buried tomorrow. Six down and three across."

"Before firemen rescue cats from trees they always take a photo and that's where 'hang in there, baby!' posters come from."

"A man was about to jump off a cliff... ...and before he jumped he said, ""I'm doing this for Jesus Christ!"" I think he took a leap of faith."

"Hi guys! Nick is very handsome and an amazing cook. Are there any nice girls interested inMOM GET OFF MY TWITTER YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING"