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Joke of the Day

"Took a career aptitude test. My results: sports team mascot, bridge troll, sign twirler, petting zoo shit shoveler"

"What do you call a pack of 8 Timbits? A Timbyte"

"How do you feel if subjected to temperatures of absolute zero? 0K"

"someone just tweeted ""do crabs think fish are flying"" and i just know this is all i'll think about for the rest of the year"

"i put tinder on my kindle it burst into flames"

"What do you call a depressed gang member? An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son"

"Where do criminal spiders hang out? The deep web"

"A man calls in sick... ""It's my eyes,"" he says. ""What's wrong with them?"" his boss asks. ""I just can't see myself coming to work today."""

"No wonder Satan hates humanity... We draw him as the ugliest goat alive"

"I bought a friend of mine an elephant for his room He said thanks. I said don't mention it."