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Joke of the Day

"Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You'll be fine."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again, I fucking hate repeating myself."

"If you can't remember my name, just say 'donuts'. I'll turn around and look."

"[wakes up next to perfectly crocheted sweater with knitting needles in hands] Oh dear god not again"

"I wonder.... Sometimes I wonder what would it feel if 'Dick' is your Real name and you say : ""No hard feelings"""

"Why doesn't Bono like Google? He still hasn't found what he's looking for."

"This map of Africa is so authentic, it has no borders, it just says ""Hey guys, can someone fucking help us?"" across the entire thing."

"Why it feels so hard to break up with a japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."

"What is a Honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone."

"Don't drink while driving you will spill the beer."