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Joke of the Day
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"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies."
"What do you call a fat skeleton? big boned"
"LINCOLN: Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt. TWITTER: No."
"If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell."
"Two snowmen are standing in a snowy field... And after 3 hours of complete silence, one turns to the other and asks ""Can you smell carrots?"""
"Toddlers & Ghosts -haunt you at all hours -lots of moaning/screaming -unclear motives -not helpful with housework -randomly open cupboards"
"A study conducted by a group of scientists shows that women that have more than 25% body fat live longer than the men who mention it to them"
"I asked Sean Connery what game he was going to play with Roger Federer tomorrow and what time he was going to go He replied: ""Tennish"""
"I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that."