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Joke of the Day

"Joke. What do you call a man without arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat? ......Claude!"

"Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? If it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan!"

"Mistook a discarded plastic bag for a rat today as the wind blew it across my path. On the plus side, I can now perform the 'Gangnam Style'."

"Hair is like fitness... If you don't condition, it'll suck (I'm sorry for nothing)"

"Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? Are we Thor yet? - How to annoy an Avenger when you're on a road trip."

"So, so very handsome If sex between three people is a threesome. And sex between two people is a twosome. Then...I guess I know why everybody calls me handsome."

"I wanted to tell an NSA joke... But I feel like they've heard them all before."

"Marvel is making a ""Winter Soldier"" standalone film and I get to play his roly poly sidekick. They call me...the ""Summer Sausage"""

"Me: *empties 4's maracas 4: *shakes maracas* They're broken Me: Oh no.. What happend?"

"My boyfriend thinks it's cute when I use the clap emoji but I've just been trying to tell him that I have an STD."