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Joke of the Day

"What did the talking cow say to the dog giving birth in front of the feed trough? Moo, bitch. Get out the way."

"When I study, I highlight with a black permanent marker, forcing my brain to memorize that shit."

"What does going down on an old woman and a pork pie have in common? You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get the meaty bit."

"How school works: 2+2=4. Homework: 2+4+2=8. Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Suns mass."

"When I die... When I die I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did in his sleep. Not screaming in pain like the passengers in his car."

"What do making love in a canoe and Budweiser have in common? Both are fucking close to water."

"Which group of people are the best at jazz? The Saxons!"

"Cinderella is my favorite story about choosing a spouse based on shoe size."

"""This love triangle is WAY too complicated"" Pythagoras' other woman"

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles. I'll see myself out."