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Joke of the Day

"One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook."

"What is a pirates favorite article of clothing? His sc*aaarrrr*f Edit: I get it guys, you all have better punchlines than me."

"Now that I'm 40, it's time to put aside childish things and be a man lol just kidding I'm drawing pictures of raccoons flying spaceships."

"A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells ""You should have been here at 8:30!"" He replies: ""Why? What happened at 8:30?"""

"How did Arnie convince his wife to move in with him? ""Live vit me if you vant to cum"""

"What would a depressed Abraham Lincoln do? Slit the writ of habeas corpus."

"ladies, call me a badly designed excel spreadsheet because my D column is unnecessarily large"

"[police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass."

"Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said ""What ya doin'?"" She said ""Buying luggage."""

"A Blind Fish What does the blind fish say when it hits a wall? DAM!!!!"