121973

Joke of the Day

"What's the bare minimum? One bear."

"mom: brush your teeth and put on your pajamas me: mom i'm a grown man. i don't need u telling me how to get ready for story time."

"I asked Arnold Schwarzenegger why he hasnt upgraded his computer to Windows 10.. He said ""I still love Vista baby!"""

"I just paid $4,000 to have a skywriter write ""Actually, Vanessa, YOU'RE the one who's being 'dramatic'."""

"Are my undies showing? [""No.""] ""Would you like them to?"""

"*confidently throws the empty macaroni box in the garbage because I don't need instructions* *pulls the box back out 3 times to make sure*"

"Hey I'm in jail on the police station for having an ugly face..... Can you please come over and show them they got the wrong person?"

"your mama so fat she was going to walmart tripped over kmart and landed right on target!!!"

"Every day, I win arguments from 10 years ago in the shower."

"Multitasking Whoever said women can multitask is talking bollocks.....I told my missus to sit down and shut the fuck up, she couldn't do either"