121956

Joke of the Day

"Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10. Her: Do you want more kids? Me: Hahahahahahahaha Her: Is that a no? Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha"

"MOM: [walks into daughter's room, sees protest signs, history books, list of senators' phone numbers on bed] Are you... politically active?"

"I just used 'medieval' and 'archaic' in a text message. I know people, I don't get how I'm not still a virgin either."

"Idea: a Chinese restaurant called You Dim Sum You Lose Some."

"So my new girlfriend plays soccer professionally I think she's a keeper"

"What's the difference between a cockroach and the Japanese? A nuke won't kill a cockroach"

"I think im gonna be a comedian Coz my life is a joke :"")"

"Good girls go to heaven . . . bad girls make you feel like your there ."

"The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die."

"We now finally have proof that Osama Bin Laden is dead He just registered to vote in Chicago"