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Joke of the Day

"Movie Ratings Explained G: Nobody gets the girl. PG: The good guy gets the girl. R: The bad guy gets the girl. X: Everybody gets the girl!"

"What do you call a turtle with a hard on? A tank!!!! PEW PEW PEW!!"

"Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow."

"There was a sense of accomplishment finishing the daily newspaper. I literally have no idea when I'm supposed to stop reading the internet."

"So a Jewish pedophile walks up to a kid and says ""Hey want to buy some candy?"""

"Just found out exercising... ...and exorcising are two very different things. Officially canceling my membership to the most terrifying gym ever. (via @wiseguypictures)"

"ANNOUNCEMENT: DENIM CLUB MEETING IS CANCELLED. AVERY RIPPED HIS JEAN VEST AT THE SUPERMARKET. HE'S OKAY, BUT VERY UPSET."

"Knock Knock. Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop who?"

"I went to a restaurant with my wife last night and ordered the Hippo soup. I'm still not sure what I'm going to order for myself."

"I got in trouble with a band recently... when I had the audacity to edit their music."