121612

Joke of the Day

"A doctor to his patient. Doctor: Sir, we have some good news and some bad news, the good news is that you've got a day left to live, the bad news is I forgot to tell you that yesterday."

"I don't make the same mistake twice. I make it at least 5-6 times to be sure."

"Did you ever hear about the Bass player whose timing was so bad he threw himself behind a train?"

"What do you call a pig that's a lumber jack? Well you call him porkchop"

"Is there such a thing as spontaneous feline combustion? Anyway, baking soda and vinegar are terrible for cats."

"[cat support technician] Me: So you're here to fix my computer? Cat: *nods* Me: Great, here it is. Cat: *lays on keyboard & falls asleep*"

"What religion still believes in the Big Bang? [x-post from /r/imgoingtohellforthis] Islam"

"Why is Jeb! Bush still running for president? Because the Bush family thinks that no child should be left behind."

"Just heard Barrack Obama's main writer has been killed.. Sources reporting that he is currently speechless."

"Q: What's red and not there? A: No tomatoes."