121537

Joke of the Day

"You didn't comment on my selfie. WHO IS SHE"

"Crazy sister put: ""I had a child very young so I had to mature quickly"" on her resume once. Put her email address as MONKEYTUSHIES87 too."

"Every 3 seconds a woman has a baby Our mission is to find this woman and stop her."

"I had a boner during a funeral. I call it the ""Mourning Wood""."

"""Your resume says you've been to prison?"" Me: Sorry, that's a mistake ""So you haven't?"" Me: I have, I just didn't mean to put it on there"

"Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!"

"The first woman on the Moon contacted Houston. ""Houston, we have a problem."" *""What is it?""* ""Never mind."" *""What's the problem?""* ""It's nothing."" *""Please tell us.""* ""I'm fine."""

"went to a temporary tatoo parlor it wouldn't wash off so I went back to complain but the shop was gone."

"What's the difference between OP and Fed-Ex?"

"Dear Dude, who's slowly walking towards me at the park bench, dragging his one leg and can't keep his balance. Please be drunk and not a zombie."