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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lesbian and a sperm whale? Fifty pounds and a flannel shirt."

"""Awww look my boyfriend left his Facebook open, I'm going to log him off without checking his inbox."" Said no woman ever"

"My ex sent me a text saying ""please delete my number..."" I sent one back saying ""who's this?"""

"Q: What's Slimy, cold, green, and smells like pork? A: Kermit the Frog's Finger"

"I went out drinking last night and took a bus home That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before."

"Why did the interjecting, dismissive, gay Italian have so many problems? Probably because he was such a- ""Fagget about it!"""

"Just watched a guy walk out of the tanning place and immediately light a cigarette. Slow down, buddy. Don't get all the cancer today!"

"Why is it we trust politicians with creating jobs when they don't know a thing about working?"

"Hate it when you open the fridge and can't find what you were looking for; like happiness and perfect abs."

"Moms get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum..."