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Joke of the Day

"Why did the interjecting, dismissive, gay Italian have so many problems? Probably because he was such a- ""Fagget about it!"""

"There are 3 kinds of people in this world Those who can count and those who can't"

"[texting] WIFE: need to talk when u get home ME: about what WIFE: too much to text just wait till u get home ME: *never goes home*"

"A: My bag is getting heavier B: Why? A: Because I don't smoke... B: How does it matter?? A: ""It ain't got any lighter"""

"Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is."

"What to hear a joke about dementia? Pickles"

"[commercial] Narrator: These are real people and not actors- Actor watching the commercial: *throws lamp at TV* WE'RE PEOPLE TOO!"

"Sometimes in the shower I pretend like I'm a bumblebee and just crash into the curtain a few times and die in the water."

"What do you do if a purple elephant and a multicolored horse are following you? get off the merry-go-round! :)"

"My brother is addicted to break fluid... But he says he can stop any time."