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Joke of the Day

"Quick question... How much of this ""No More Tears"" shampoo do I have to feed this baby to get it to stop crying?"

"What do you tell a pornstar right before their video to pump them up? Get your head in the game."

"/r/jokes wins Friend of the Planet award! for 95.002% of recylced content."

"What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye Matey!"

"According to my bank account, I'm Rich! Rich Anderson, the name of the man whose identity I stole."

"'Pampers' is a good product name because it implies being able to poop in your disposable underwear is a great luxury"

"An avocado-wife is giving her husband the silent treatment Husband: ""I said you were the good kind of fat!"""

"What gas is best dressed at a dinner party? Formaldehyde"

"It's called a ""remote"" because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel."

"*cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you"