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Joke of the Day

"Some people here are a mite sensitive. Fell asleep during a pleasant DM chat and now I'm blocked. Didn't know I snored that loudly."

"My ass is a woman tonight It won't shut the fuck up."

"I always start crying uncontrollably whenever I am about to get intimate with a girl . . . . . . Any good tips with dealing with pepper spray?"

"If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often."

"What has two thumbs and doesn't understand jokes that require a visual component? This guy!"

"Whenever my dachshund acts up I show him a pack of hotdogs in my fridge and he falls right back into line"

"i started vaping to fit in with my friends, who are mostly steam whistles"

"I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real shit."

"What smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom."