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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a sandwich and a baby? I don't have sex with the sandwich before I eat it !"

"A Jewish kid asks his dad for $20 Son: Dad, I need $20 Dad: Son, $20? Why do you need $10? Here's $5"

"Taking my 4 year old to see Straight Outta Compton. I can't remember ever being this excited for a movie that's rated G."

"Why didn't anyone hear Helen Keller fall off a cliff? She had mittens on."

"Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear? Because he liked sole music!"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick into your mouth."

"How did the Jewish mother offer to help her son meet a nice Jewish girl? She offered to pay for half of his J-date membership."

"Particle physics joke The bartender yells, ""We don't serve your kind here!"" A tachyon walks into a bar."

"6/6/14 Dear Diary - Today was really great. Got a job as an intern with the CIA and sent a cool tweet. 6/7/14 Dear Diary - Guantanamo sucks."

"Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms"