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Joke of the Day

"Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments..."

"You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it's acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch."

"Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses? Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast."

"My wife is paralysed from the waist down Insensitive cunt."

"5% of America thinks we're doing well. The other 95% thinks we could do gooder."

"Reddit is really a green community. considering all the recycled content on here."

"you know its cold out... when you go outside, and its cold out. (tried this in /r/antijokes , thought the rest of the joke world might appreciate)"

"What's the difference between a new wife and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."

"I'm done drinking for good... Now I drink for Evil."

"What do you call a nursing bear? A titty bear."