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Joke of the Day

"You have tattoos and curves? *unbuttons pants* You're also batshit crazy? *takes off pants* You listen to Paramore? *puts on clothes*"

"My New Year's Resolution is to lose 10 pounds Only 13 more to go"

"Why do ducks have webbed feet? To put out fires. Why do elephants have large, flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks."

"What do you say to a burn victim if you pour acid on them? Woops, tee hee."

"A woman wants to buy a pair of spectacles. A woman walks into a shop and says,"" Doctor, I think I need a pair of spectacles! "" The shopkeeper replies,"" You certainly do ma'am! This is a grocery store."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...? Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs."

"Let's take a moment this Valentine's Day to think about how awkward it is for all the couples who started dating in January."

"the times they are indeed a changin..but the one time thatll never change is Lunch time. lock them engagements in if you think this is good."

"A Chinese girl was pregnant at the age of 14. Her name was Sum Yong Ho."

"How many men escaped the destruction of Sodom? A Lot."