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Joke of the Day

"What did the leper say to the prostitute? You can keep the tip."

"I'm definitely the most successful guy in this dollar store. Oh, wait. That guy has a tuxedo t-shirt. I'm the second most successful guy."

"What did Helen Keller's mom say would happen if she didn't stop fingering herself? She'd start talking dirty."

"""I OBJECT!"" the defendant screams in court. The judge gives her a very emotional hug and says, ""No...you human."""

"My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account."

"What did one lesbian vampire say to the other? ""See you in 30 days!"""

"Happy 2011! I can't wait for Internet Explorer 9."

"Ramadan month is exhausting. You have to wait all day to Instagram your food."

"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from."

"Did you know hippos kill more people than sharks every year? No one has ever seen a hippo kill a shark."