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Joke of the Day

"Friend at Memorial Day BBQ: I see you wasted no time with the white pants. Me: These are my legs."

"My penis is like the U.S. presidency Long and white, with a little bit of black on the tip."

"Why did the agnostic receive a lighter sentence? He had no prior convictions."

"Why don't the Cubans have Olympic swimmers? Because they make it here."

"I think it's cool that our galaxy is named after a chocolate bar."

"Universities are like priests They will teach you a few things, and then take you into the back room to fuck you."

"What do vegetarian zombies eat ? terri schiavo"

"You're a vegetarian who eats fish? I guess that makes sense since bears are basically vegetarians."

"When I see crate of kittens in a pet store I think ""oh a crazy cat lady starter kit!"""

"Why can't Albert Einstein drive? Because he never learned."