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Joke of the Day

"I've never understood people who don't drink because it's ""bad for you"" Honestly, I think they should lighten up and liver little."

"I wanted to be a standup comedian.. they asked me to sit down."

"So one man walks into a bar and the other one ducks."

"What does it's job ONLY after it has been fired? A bullet"

"Deli meats I knew a guy who was addicted to deli meats. He just couldn't quit cold turkey."

"Where do one-legged waitresses work? IHOP. Tipping your waitress takes on a whole new meaning."

"My first subtweet was in the 3rd grade when I added extra glitter to Nathan's Valentine."

"""It is scary how much false attribution of quotes occurs on Twitter."" - Mark Twain"

"There are 11 types of people... People who understand binary, people who don't, and people who are tired of the same damn binary joke being reposted over and over."

"I heard a Sean Connery film once got am R rating Because he said ""sit"" too many times Edit: shit didn't proofread the title, *an* not *am*"