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Joke of the Day
"I'd make a joke about desecrating animal corpses But it would just be beating a dead horse."
Next Joke
"What do you call Sting 5 minutes ago? Stung."
"I hadn't seen my girlfriend for a while... When she saw me, she said, ""Wow, your hands are so soft!"" ""But... where have you been working out?"""
"If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be? Bad at following directions."
"You are being approached by a lawyer, a lion and a gang member. You are armed with a gun and two bullets. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice."
"What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Slow down."
"I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook... They wanted books but instead they got magazines"
"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because of type advantage"
"Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I'm making... ...then they call me ugly and poor."
"Serious question... Would Titanic have been more romantic if they had both died, but holding hands and floating, like otters?"