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Joke of the Day
"If you had to describe yourself in one word, what would it be? Bad at following directions."
Next Joke
"I'm gonna hire a person to speak at my funeral and say a bunch of crazy stuff about me so my friends and family think I had a secret life."
"I lost two things today: My virginity and my job as a morgue assistant."
"Having sex with a redditor is like reading the user license agreement. Nobody ever does it."
"What's the difference between your mother and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking when I slap it"
"1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance - My stages of getting ready for work"
"Son: ""Dad, did you get shot in the army?"" Dad: ""No, I only got shot in the leggy."""
"""Thanks for nothing, Evolution."" - Flightless Birds"
"Have you heard the joke about the flying sandwich? Nope. Neither have I."
"I surveyed 100 women & asked which shampoo did they use when showering. 99 of them said, 'HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE'."