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Joke of the Day

"Pork shoulder meat, ham meat, salt, water, preservatives. Sorry, that was spam."

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"What's the difference between the US election and sex? During sex it's fun to choose between asshole and cunt."
"If any ladies out there need jars opened or items from a high shelf, HomeDepot sells rubber grips & ladders. -match.com bio"
"My DNA is all over this room. So nobody go doing anything all life-sentency in here, ok?"
"Why is it that when a guy nails a ton of girls, he's called a stud... ...but when he nails a ton of studs, he's in construction?"
"Hatton: I ain't as dumb as I look! Folsom: You couldn't be!"
"Comment on every picture of someone's dog, ""What is this"""
"Q: What do you call the security outside of a Samsung Store? A: Guardians of the Galaxy."
"Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him."
"Need to have a talk about drugs with my 14 year old son because my regular connection just dried up. -Danny Zucker"