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Joke of the Day

"Need to have a talk about drugs with my 14 year old son because my regular connection just dried up. -Danny Zucker"

"When I heard that my toaster wasn't water resistant... I was shocked!!"

"I want the leaves in my yard to leaf Maple I should rake them. But hey, they do spruce it up a bit."

"Two cows are in a pasture. The first cow says, ""Moo."" The second cow says, ""Damn, man... I was just about to say that!"""

"What animal is two animals at the same time? The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait."

"If a hipster falls in the middle of the woods and nobody is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Yeah, but you've probably never heard it before."

"I finally found a girlfriend and when I did I got really pumped. Sadly after a year in the storage she needed a lot of pumping as well."

"In Maryland we can't legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway."

"A disease that kills you and can only be spread through the transmission of bodily fluids. Are we sure we're not talking about marriage?"

"My toddler tried out and age aproporiate pickup line ""Hey baby, you've got some fiiiiiiine motor skills."""